The Society Toaster

ebay is ruining my life

2006-05-30T16:47:00.000+09:30

why oh why was I introduced to ebay..................

It is officially ruining my life as I search hours upon hours for different things. Boxsets of tv shows, books, clothes, it's killing my soul...not to mention my bank account.

You see you can have paypal account that debits straight out of your account so it actually feels like no money at all. Worse than EFTPOS because you just click buttons! Not only that I can get ebay off my phone so i am constantly monitoring my bids just to make sure I am winning.

I have bought heaps of shit as well. For example I spent $20 on those Absolut ad posters (the ones where they incorperate the bottle into everything) I don't even know why I bought them I just did.

But remeber that Fluo beach perfume I was complaining about? Well an expat lives there so I now can get all the perfume I want......excellent.

No more washing away for me...just an eroding bank balance instead.

lack of choice

2006-01-19T22:13:00.000+10:30

Why the hell in the Golden Globes would all four Desperate Housewives get picked for Best Actress in Comedy/musical in a Television Series? The show is fucking convoluted and although entertaining is definitely not worthy for awards.....the supposed "main" character Susan (played by attention seeking whore Teri Hatcher), has the most boring storylines out of all of them and spends her whole screen time either:

a) Crying
b) Letting her daughter give her advice in one of those weird the daughter mother the mum kind of thing (eg. When was the last time you got laid Mom?)
c) Crying about Mike
d) Moaning like a stupid bitch or whinging about something

The show shits me to tears and all the fucking hype about it....Just give me a gun and shoot me now. No wonder the Weeds (What kind of name is Weeds for a television show anyway) girl won the award the other four were too fucking boring and couldn't seperate the shittiness between them.

Fluo Beach being washed away...

2006-01-17T22:10:00.000+10:30

In Paris the best shop that ever lived is there called Sephora. Now many people probably associate this with the chain in America but no.....the French one is better in so many more ways than one. Anyway there is this eau de toilette that I bought from there called Fluo Beach and I am about to run out.....panic! I tried to order it from the French website but alas it only delivers to people in France!!!! NOOOOOOOOO! What am I going to do without my cocunut perfume!!!! Stupid American part of the website doesn't have it either....what is going wrong with this world.....my signature scent is going to leave me. Aarghhhhhhhhhhh!

Jockalicious

2005-11-29T21:12:00.000+10:30

Just go there.

I won't try to explain the creamy textures and delicious flavours they have. Try the Hokey Pokey but don't let the name deter you.

That is all.

Customer Service Survey

2005-11-21T17:09:00.000+10:30

On a certain disgruntled employee's blog recently a customer service survey was released for disgruntled employee's. I whole heartedly took up the opputunity to bitch and here are my most educated and well thought answers.

1. On average, how many customers out of every 10 do you find a pleasure to serve?
I would have to say maybe 3 out of ten.

2. Do you feel that customers view, and treat you as a person?
No, they expect me to be their personal rubbish bin, bag carrier as well as personal shoppers.

3. Out of every 10 complaints you receive, on average, how many are actually pertaining to you, and/or your business? And how many are just completely random things that are obviously not within your powers of control?
Well usually it is about 5 out of 10 because our the dickhead manager will never order the right amount of stock so we run out of everything in about two days. Once I actually got a lady yelling at me because the raspberries were too red, yeah apparently they were 'too' ripe.

4. Old people, bogans, drunks, children, dole bludgers, and psychos. Which of these do you mostly have to deal with? And on a scale of 1-10, how irritatingly difficult are they?
Old people – 8 (We live right next to an old people's nursing home so I couldn't count the number of times I have had to have inane conversations I have had to have while the queue is three foot deep.)Bogans – 5(They always smell like absolute shit which makes me want to throw up, you know that “I haven’t washed in about three days and don’t plan to” kind of smellDrunks – 2 (At work I really don’t get many of these and when I do they usually are nice. Then again I don’t work in Liquor)Children – 4 (The most annoying are the little toddlers who have screaming tantrums because they can’t get chewy or something ridiculous like that)Dole bludgers – N/A (My supermarket personage is filled with Brighton women with a blonde bob haircut as well as solarium ruined skin)Psychos – 7 (Once I had a guy come in who we called the police on because he walked around the aisles for about 20 minutes. When asked if he needs any help he replies in a high girly voice, “I am exercising my right as a customer to browse the shop’s products to decide whether to purchase or not”. When the police got there he then pretended to shop before ‘exercising his rights as a shopper’ to not buy a lemon or some shit like that.

5. In order of annoyance:
1. People who take bags they don't need. (Once I had an old hag come in demanding a whole pile of bags because they were going on holiday. I politely pointed her to the rubbish bin liners a couple metres away)
2. Old people who demand discounts and special treatment. (Yeah as well as the ones who peruse the specials like it is do or die, that 50c will make a huge difference!
3. Wankers who waste your time deciding when there are 5 people waiting to be served. (especially at the cigarette counter where you have to stop serving your queue)
4. People who don't have enough money for their purchase.
5. Screaming kids.
6. Bogans who feel the need to yell at you for events that don't concern you.

6. Most regularly occurring stupid question you've ever had?
Do you have any cold drinks? (the drinks fridge is right behind them)

7. Most regularly occurring stupid complaint you've ever had?
You know you don’t have many cheese options, you really should have more. (We aren’t a gourmet deli, stupid tools)

8. Biggest peeve about your job (involving a customer of course)?
People thinking I know everything about the supermarket…….the food, flowers, cigarettes, deli ingredients or the location or everything.

9. What's the most you've done for a customer, only to have it thrown back in your face?
A lady who had just had a hip replacement reached to get cigarettes (if she had been patient I would have got them because I am the one who is supposed to get them, not her) and when she came back down she accidentally stepped on one of the newspaper bundles we keep on the floor. The drink fridges were being refilled and so the trolley was there with all the drinks. She was about to fall severely on the trolley so I moved it out of her way. When she came back down she had dislocated her hip again. The paramedics had to come and collect her etc. etc which was exciting but when explaining what happened she enthusiastically explained to the paramedics that a horrible young girl had hit her with a trolley. I then got blamed for the whole thing and my boss used me as the scapegoat. Apparently she spent two months in hospital getting better. Serves her right, the stupid bitch.

10. Most hated customer? (Give us details of the experience.)
Well it is more the certain breed 50 year old women who is extremely tight with their money, demands the receipt and breathe their fucking Horizon cigarette smoke breath all over me. Oh and did I mention they blame every single price mistake on me?

My life?!?

2005-11-14T16:56:00.000+10:30

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.8
Mind:	6.7
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	5
Friends/Family:	6.2
Love:	4.3
Finance:	7.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

It also suggests that because my body score is higher than usual I should give advice to people that score low. No offence to the Rate My Life organisation but I HATE exercise. I like to play tennis and other sports but I really, really hate anything to do with exercise especially running. I couldn't think of anything worse.

Everything is actually pretty accurate but what the fuck is the difference between mind and spirit? Aren't they the same thing anyways?

Ready to toast again

2005-11-03T09:09:00.000+10:30

Well I am back from quite an eventful trip in France. Don't really know if I will blog about it or not....probably will when I feel I have nothing to write about or not. Blogging about Europe seems to be a bit in fashion at the moment as Jellyfish and Adam were also in Europe while I was.

A brief intinerary included Paris for ten days or so while heading off to stay in Les Sables D'Olonne (think of a mix between St Kilda and Sandringham) with a detour through the Loire Valley. I stay there for two weeks or so before coming back to Paris for the last couple of days.

Yeah I have definetely decided I will write about some of the adventures in France and all the shithouse stuff they actually have there as well as the most fantastic places to go etc etc.

Tu as fait bon voyage? Oui, bien sur. (Sorry for all the non-frenchies, out there but it doesnt really mean anything important anyways)

Vacances en France

2005-09-14T19:28:00.000+09:30

Tomorrow I leave for an educational *cough cough* trip to gay Paris and other areas of the cultured country we call France. Therefore I won't be able to update for awhile (three weeks) because of a lack of time and lack of sanity as well. I'll try and squeeze a quickie in at some dodgey internet cafe but who knows, in France, internet cafes might seem a bit americanne which we all know the French hate.

Alas, before I go to tomorrow afternoon I have about a billion things to do and to pack so it seems that tonight will have to be au revoir . At the moment not many people will probably miss me (or even know I exist) in blogosphere but I'll just imagine it in my head.

So mes amis I will see you and talk to you soon or as the French say it à bientôt.

C-Grade Celebrities

2005-09-12T19:11:00.000+09:30

Often I get many customers in my fun-filled and wonderful job at the local supermarket, that are semi-famous. It is always a delight to see them although half the time you're looking at them with a half dopey look on your face trying to work out where you recognise them from. They do however come under the following illustrious categories:

Football Players
Soap Stars/ Kids Shows
C-Grade Television Presenters
Other mindless 'stars'

Some of which include, Nick 'I hurt my shoulder' Riewoldt, Trent ' Croad, Mike 'Can't get a job as a real newsreporter' Larkin, Simone 'Dumb Blonde who has finally left hubby' Warne, the girl who is in the easy mac ad and the wonderful teeny bopper TV program, the Saddle Club, and my personal favourite Stephanie 'Saggy tits' McIntosh.

Most are all actually pretty nice and non-divaish like, but the weirdest thing is when you scan their purchases and see what they buy. No joke though, they all seem to buy Sakata's or rice crackers of some sort....maybe they're all trying to lose weight or something but seriously for a couple of them it certainly isn't working.

Sometimes you get really odd purchases or weird combinations as well such as three mops in one transaction or pita bread, lasagne and nail polish in one transaction.

Deceptively Third World

2005-09-03T11:56:00.000+09:30

Hurricane Katrina has caused devastation all over New Orleans, turning it into one of the most desperate cities in the world at the moment. The thing that is amazing though that this is America...the place that boasts about it's own great national health care system and social security system. Right now throughout New Orleans, children and women are being raped, people are starving and corpses are lining the streets.

To me it's fucking stupid, America is one of the economic superpowers of the world yet they can't get basic care and food to a city within it's own borders. Maybe instead of spending all it's attention on Iraq or Afghanistan they could pay attention to the crisis at hand. Really, how hard is it to fly some supplies in when they are only a couple hours or so from New York, a so called global city.

It's ridiculous really as well since they knew that this was coming without properly preparing for it. Better preperation would have saved many lives and now they have stopped rescuing people stranded in their waterlogged houses, meaning a possibilty of more fatalities.

America should pull its fucking finger in and give better help to those that have been affected by this horrible disaster.

Six Coronas

2005-08-31T20:12:00.000+09:30

Yes, that's right six old Corona's to get our dear John Brogden pissed. The Liberal leader went to a press function and got a little drunk. Geez even I don't get pissed off that and I am one of the weakest drinkers I know. I nearly wet my pants laughing, when I heard that he had resigned over calling Bob Carr's wife a mail order bride.

Not only that but he also pinched a journalist on the ass and asked her if she was available. What a tool! If you going to have an affair behind your wife's back at least do it with someone who isn't going to sell your story to the tabloids 24 hours later.

All in all I really wonder if that was one of the dumbest acts in the history of Australian MP's as he was just about to have a very good chance of knocking Bob Carr's Labor ironclad hold on NSW parliament.

Greatests Hits are the only hits

2005-08-26T17:03:00.000+09:30

I always find it amusing when different artists release so called “Greatest Hits” albums, when really they have only been around for a couple years or have only released a couple albums. The most recent addition to this pitiful and insane genre is the poppy muso-dealings of Hilary Duff.

I don’t know whether you would know this or not, but she has released only TWO lame albums and both of them didn’t go to the top of the charts. I would like to know what is going to happen when she releases another album after this one.
If she ever does release another album and it becomes successful, although highly unlikely, and releases a couple more after (which are successful as well) she will never be able to release a real Greatest Hits album. An album that people will love enjoy and actually want to buy. Seriously who wants a Hilary Duff Greatest Hits album when the most recognised song on it is one that is only recognised by teeny bopper girls?

Another stupid Greatest Hits album is 98° Degrees, which includes my personal favourite….KAROKE! Because you know who doesn’t love to sing along to music with words they don’t know? Does anyone even remember this band or any songs it played? No, of course not but one person you might know in it is Nick Lachey who is married to (well for the time being) Jessica Simpson. You know his one and only claim to fame?

But you know my favourite out of this would have to be my most beloved twins Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen! Who when they were around eight years old released a greatest hits album of all their songs in their sing-a-long show they starred in at the time. It contains the most delightful tracks such as Funky Musicology, Ghost Song (No Such Thing) and the classic B-U-T-T Out. Seriously who wants to listen to this kind of crap?

So in conclusion I would really have to say that if you are going to release a greatest hits album, please make sure that you have at least 5 albums with at least a couple more hits better known from a range of people than Hilary Duff and the other mediocre artists.

le début

2005-08-25T17:23:00.000+09:30

the fatal beginning post...ooo how nerve wracking. I have always wanted to start a blog ever since accidentally stumbling across the spin starts here looking for Australia's next top model. ahhh that show is so bad but so delicious to watch.

anyways I'm the society toaster and in the following weeks I will be bringing you (hopefully) the toast of society and the crap that goes along with it. please mind the shitty posts as they probably will be at the start but I'm sure will get better as time goes by.

So get ready for the society's moolah I shall bring, although I think we all know deep down it will probably end up being about things I hate and what i am pissed off at in society.

but until then....

Society Toaster

l'fin du début